Twilight…

Just got back from seeing Twilight. I really should read up about the target audience before I see some of these films. If I had I would have known that this was a vampire movie for girls aged 10-14, or boys aged 10-14 who wished they were girls. I think it only fair to split this review into two parts.

10-14 Year Old Girl Review

The vampires can go out in the daylight, but they don’t unless it’s overcast because the sun makes them glitter like they are made out of diamonds, kinda like a fairy princess. The main vampire characters are so nice they don’t drink human blood, just animals they hunt in the forest. The vampires would never dream of turning someone into a vampire against their will, that wouldn’t be nice. All the vampires are quirky, yet adorable. The lead male is a dreamboat and deserving of an Oscar. He’s the best actor that ever lived. I’m going to cover all my bedroom walls with posters of him and write his name all over my pencil case and books at school.

Adult review

This film is total dirge. The acting is terrible. The plot sucks (no pun intended). It’s devoid of any redeemable features.

Please don’t go an see it unless you are a 10-14 year old girl!

Cheers

Tim…

PS. I’m sure it will do incredibly well at the box office and spawn a bunch of sequels and a TV series.

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